• 5 STEPS TO LESS HOLIDAY STRESS

With the Holiday Season around the corner, we begin to start making plans for festivities that are packed with food, gifts and fun.  The climate change in the air, holiday music playing over the radio and festive colors are exciting- however, let’s be honest, it’s also quite exhausting physically and
emotionally.

This year, take heart in creating a positive holiday season for yourself. These five steps can help you create your own special experience and memories. 

1.  You must create a healthy balance. By minimizing expectations, managing time and tasks wisely, you can create a mindful and balanced experience. Remember the most important part of the holiday festivities are to enjoy your friends and family!

2.  The holidays can bring in feelings of separation of friends, family and /or mourning the loss of a loved one.  Although, it is appropriate to mourn the loss of their presence, do not withdraw from the joy that holidays can bring. If you can't be with those you love  this is a good time to plan celebration in honor of them. Go out and make their presence known in some fulfilling way, join in charitable cause, help those less fortunate, or revisit places you used to share with them. 
 
3.  Reduce stress by planning ahead! Not planning ahead can lead to over-spending and purchasing unwanted or less than desirable items. Create a spending plan/ budget and
stick to it. Remember to give from the heart and not to spend to make the heart heavy!

 4.  Avoid becoming run down both emotionally and physically.  Beware of what you are taking in (food/drink) and what you put out (calories/ exercise).  It is normal to indulge in our sense of taste and quench our thirst, during the holiday festivities. Remember that certain foods and drinks can affect your mood and result in having less energy and over all discomfort.

5. Initiate change by knowing what you are getting into. Some friends or family members have the tendency to display less than optimal attitudes, and in the past have made you feel bad, or brought back left-over’s from previous holidays emotional carnage. Likely this will not change. Don’t
allow them to push your buttons. Adjust your attitude. Acceptance and forgiveness are
key.

As we continue on in the weeks ahead, I will cover in my blog, areas of the Holidays that can bring about depression and/or anxiety. This year we can work together to create the optimal and best experience for your personalized situation!

As always, please feel free to comment below or message me privately. 

Learn To Fulfill Your Potential To Change Your Life

 Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” Daniell Koepke

Life’s greatest challenge is your own potential !

 It’s sad, but true living up to our own potential takes guts. No matter what you face in life, your biggest battle is going to be the one you have against yourself.      We can accomplish so much more, if we merely believed in our ability to do so for various reasons.

·         No one knows you better than you know yourself.  Accordingly, you are bettered prepared to go up against yourself than anyone else.

·         When you fight with yourself there are no barriers as to what is fair, unfair and void of any boundaries. 

·         Your potential is always changing. The more you achieve,  the more  potential you develop.  In other words, when you accomplish one goal, then you may keep moving toward another one.

·         More times than not, we underestimate their capacity to change. We focus on their limitations instead of their potential.  

The fact is that we are what we think about the most.  If we think we are in some way limited or inadequate, then we will be limited.  If we think we have impending possibilities, then we will have higher potential. The keys to change is, first to believe that we are capable of change. Next belief in ourselves, our abilities, our talents, and our ideas are most valuable tools. We must have integrity to change your life. You need the courage to tell yourself no, when others are saying yes. Have the courage to face the truth about ourselves, no matter how difficult it might be. Do the right thing because it is right.

Take responsibility for your life.  As our world change very few people are willing to take responsibility for their own actions. If we are not willing to accept responsibility, then someone else must, even if it is to simply accept blame. You need to be aware.  If you don’t pay attention to what’s going on, someone else will take responsibility for you and will control your world.

You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say (Martin Luther). Not only are you accountable for your life, but doing the best with your life in the moment.  Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves (Friedrich Nietzsche). Forget who is responsible for whatever and simply realize that if you do your best to put things together right now, you will be ready for what lies ahead. . When opportunity comes, you’ll land all over it, because you are ready to fulfill  your own potential.


Feel Free to Comment Below or Message me privately

-Dr. Tanya Gilbert

Sometimes it’s easy to form a perception about a person, by just looking at their appearance and mannerisms.  Although, our first impressions are lasting, they are generally based on how we perceive our individual worlds through our past experiences, culture, etc. in which can result in a false perception of the person.

Through our perceptions is how we interpret the messages that are being communicated to us. The process of perception involves selecting information that passes through our five senses and is filtered by our existing structure, patterns or experiences of life. We tend to pay more attention to
things that meet our needs or interests in some way.  

Perception can be problematic in that it can create barriers in our communication as people determine how they treat others and the world based on their perceptions.  Perception
involves positive and negative distortions, stereotypes, and assumptions.  

In order to communicate more effectively, we have to look beyond our immediate perceived information on a person as people are generally more than the imposed perception.             
 
If we can look outside of our own needs, desires, and past experiences than we can perceive a person through their true reality versus our perceived reality of them.

How can we look outside of our own filters? If we can stop and take a moment and really focus on what is going on around us, without judging or interjecting our own needs though it, we can than get to truly know and understand the world and people around us. 

Although perception is at the heart of our communication, it requires more than what is being perceived at first glance.  To communicate more effectively, we must be more understanding, willing to negotiate and be tolerant of differences. 

As always feel free to comment below with your experiences of perception or message me privately for more information

Anxiety is one of the biggest struggles faced today for millions of people. Anxiety can
be hard to pinpoint as it is connected to other emotions and can be masked under
the false pretense. You can learn to control your anxiety if you can identify
the other emotions it may be connected to.  

People often feel more in control when they use anger to deal with a situation. Anger
is used to cover up the discomforts connected with Anxiety. It is easier for us
to deal with being mad than be anxious or frightened. This is possibly due to
knowing what to do when being angry, but we do not know how to process fear or
anxiety. 

Using anger is a false sense of control, but, it can be used effectively in covering
anxiety momentarily. Anger can be used as a tool to slow anxiety, but it must be
used effectively and under the proper guidance of a
therapist.

 Anger and Anxiety are necessary for us to function in the world. Learning how to
manage anxiety and anger is important. Developing long term strategies to
challenge unrealistic attitudes connected to these emotions constructively could
include the following:

Make a list of beliefs and behaviors that you impose on yourself and the world (For
examples, I’m not smart enough, I ought to lose weight to be accepted, I can’t
do this because of etc)

Practice changing the demands that you put on yourself, which may or may not be
fulfilled. For instance: I must make a 100% on this exam, I must make a certain
amount of money, I  must be a
member of this group to be successful, my life will be ruined if I do not wear
designer clothes, etc

 Think about ways you can help yourself manage your disappointments. Developing
realistic expectations of yourself and others is the key. 
 
Lose the should and ought to thinking
 
Learn deep breathing and relaxation techniques.

Address your fears 

Learn anger management skills

 Take the next steps be gentle to yourself, take action seek
support.


 As always, feel free to comment below or  message me privately.

In last weeks class we discover how to take charge of your life by simply saying No

 "BBBBRRRRINNNNG" !! The shrill sound of the alarm clock awake Lola with a
start- 5:00am on the dot. Exhausted, she banged her hand on the snooze button.
10 mins later she banged the snooze button again. This pattern repeated until
she had no choice but to get up and get dressed for work.  As she made her way
to the door, she heard her roommate, Chelsea, rustle in her room, "Lola, can you
get me a glass of water before you leave?" Annoyed, but not wanting to create an
awkward situation, Lola said, "Yeah". She put down her computer case and purse
and jogged over to the kitchen, filled up a glass of water and jogged to
Chelsea's room. "Here you go" 

"Cool Thanks", said Chelsea.  Lola jogged back to her things, scooped them up
and out the door she went.  

Traffic was rough as always, and she turned up her radio to try to soothe the
irritation she felt at the slow moving cars ahead of her.  Lola‘s exit was 1
mile ahead, "Good" she thought and she furthered relaxed as the traffic began to
ease. Suddenly, an aggressive driver came veering up behind her , seemingly
almost on her bumper. The driver slung to the left lane and drove up next to
Lola and asked to be let in by using heavy hand gestures. Lola hesitated as her
exit was within feet of her. The driver honked their horn causing Lola to slow
and allow the driver ahead of her. The driver slung ahead of her and then
exited, causing Lola to miss her exit.

 A few minutes late to work, she clocked in and got straight to business at
hand. With pilled up deadlines and clients at bay, there was no time to waste.
Today she would have to stay late after work to catch up.

 As lunch time neared, Lola gathered her keys to head over to one of her
favorite sandwich shops. "Lola are you going to Charlie’s Sandwich Shop? Can you
get me a sandwich?" said one of her co-workers. "Oh yeah me too, but make sure
to get me rye bread with extra mustard"  "Here Lola, here’s a 20.00 to pay for
my half, make sure to tell the cashier to give you back two $5.00 bills".

 Uncomfortable and irritated, Lola said, "Um, maybe next time..I'm kind of in
a hurry". "It won't take long! Come on I'm starving "said a coworker.  Another
coworker made a disapproving grunt, folded her arms and looked away as if Lola
had really displeased her. "Ok, ok " said Lola and she grabbed the money and
headed to her car. 

Once in Charlies Sandwich Shop, she began to order all the sandwiches. Her
phone buzzed and as she looked down at it the text read across the screen, "Oh I
forgot to tell you, I want a diet coke not a regular coke" . 

The line was so long that by the time she ordered,  her lunch time allowance
was almost up. She ate her sandwich as she drove to work; wiping her sandwich
stains off of her shirt and brushing of the crumbs.

 10 hours later, Lola was off of work and fighting traffic to get home. All
she wanted to do was go home and relax by taking a nice long shower. 

Once home, Lola’s roommate Chelsea was in her towel and heading over to the
shower. "Lola, I’m going to take a long shower. I need something to wake me up-I
slept all day. There  might not be any hot water left when I’m done thought"

"Um, yeah ok" said Lola. She went to her room, sat on her bed and began to
cry. She cried until she drifted off into a restless sleep.


Have you ever experienced something similar to this? Have you ever felt
overwhelmed and under appreciated? How could Lola have avoided the stress she
felt throughout the day that eventually led to her crash down?

 Lola experiences what many of us experience on a day to day basis which is an
inability to take care of ourselves by simply saying "No". Although, I’m sure
those of us that have experienced this can understand that saying no sometimes
isn’t that simple. Saying no, can stir up feelings from a childhood trauma,
being disliked, feelings of rejection or just not wanting to deal with any
confrontations as well as many other reasons.  Why do you think it was difficult
for Lola to say no?

 The meaning of no, according to Dictionary, is a complete term, meaning not at all; to no extent. 
No does not warrant an explanation. However many of us do not have the ability
to say no.  

The ability to say no starts beings with a recognition of validation of
needs for self care.

 The next step is by developing a stronger sense of self.

 Saying no take lots of practice until you feel comfortable. Start practicing by
saying no to strangers. For instance, when in a restaurant politely decline the
waiter when asked for a side or item you do not need.  

Additionally, learning to say no includes understanding that your world will
not crumble or end, although at first you may feel some discomfort , you will
realize that it’s ok to take care of yourself by saying no. You will teach
people how to treat you when no means no. You will also recognize that people
will start to respect your time, space and energy. 

  Lola wanted to avoid "uncomfortable situations" and instead created more
frustration in her life. You can avoid situations like Lola’s by learning to say
no.

 For more information on "How to say no" comment below or message me
privately.


　


　


Small Changes for a more Balanced Life…Dr Tanya Gilbert

In tonight's "In the Moment" Class, we spoke about how our everyday experiences can
result in  symptoms of anxiety and depression.
 
We further discussed methods to reduce the symptoms experienced such as panic attacks or depression . Methods such as, Body Scans, can help to identify the earliest signals that your body gives before going into a full on panic attack.
 
Another method to reduce symptoms and anxiety and or depression, is through Intellectual Compartmentalization which is where a person would first acknowledge the experience that is occurring; next the person would separate the physiological reactions such as rapid heart beat, shaking, sweating, difficulty breathing, low energy, fatigue, or irritability from their thoughts. The final step is to continue in activities that would require the persons full attention and distraction.

Generally, the duration of a panic attack lasts 10-30 minutes. However, for the person experiencing experience them, it feels much longer. By utilizing techniques as those mentioned above can shorten the duration, lower the intensity, and reduce the frequency of these attacks.

If you are experiences any symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks, and/or depression please feel free to comment below or message me privately.