Anxiety is one of the biggest struggles faced today for millions of people. Anxiety can
be hard to pinpoint as it is connected to other emotions and can be masked under
the false pretense. You can learn to control your anxiety if you can identify
the other emotions it may be connected to.  

People often feel more in control when they use anger to deal with a situation. Anger
is used to cover up the discomforts connected with Anxiety. It is easier for us
to deal with being mad than be anxious or frightened. This is possibly due to
knowing what to do when being angry, but we do not know how to process fear or
anxiety. 

Using anger is a false sense of control, but, it can be used effectively in covering
anxiety momentarily. Anger can be used as a tool to slow anxiety, but it must be
used effectively and under the proper guidance of a
therapist.

 Anger and Anxiety are necessary for us to function in the world. Learning how to
manage anxiety and anger is important. Developing long term strategies to
challenge unrealistic attitudes connected to these emotions constructively could
include the following:

Make a list of beliefs and behaviors that you impose on yourself and the world (For
examples, I’m not smart enough, I ought to lose weight to be accepted, I can’t
do this because of etc)

Practice changing the demands that you put on yourself, which may or may not be
fulfilled. For instance: I must make a 100% on this exam, I must make a certain
amount of money, I  must be a
member of this group to be successful, my life will be ruined if I do not wear
designer clothes, etc

 Think about ways you can help yourself manage your disappointments. Developing
realistic expectations of yourself and others is the key. 
 
Lose the should and ought to thinking
 
Learn deep breathing and relaxation techniques.

Address your fears 

Learn anger management skills

 Take the next steps be gentle to yourself, take action seek
support.


 As always, feel free to comment below or  message me privately.

In last weeks class we discover how to take charge of your life by simply saying No

 "BBBBRRRRINNNNG" !! The shrill sound of the alarm clock awake Lola with a
start- 5:00am on the dot. Exhausted, she banged her hand on the snooze button.
10 mins later she banged the snooze button again. This pattern repeated until
she had no choice but to get up and get dressed for work.  As she made her way
to the door, she heard her roommate, Chelsea, rustle in her room, "Lola, can you
get me a glass of water before you leave?" Annoyed, but not wanting to create an
awkward situation, Lola said, "Yeah". She put down her computer case and purse
and jogged over to the kitchen, filled up a glass of water and jogged to
Chelsea's room. "Here you go" 

"Cool Thanks", said Chelsea.  Lola jogged back to her things, scooped them up
and out the door she went.  

Traffic was rough as always, and she turned up her radio to try to soothe the
irritation she felt at the slow moving cars ahead of her.  Lola‘s exit was 1
mile ahead, "Good" she thought and she furthered relaxed as the traffic began to
ease. Suddenly, an aggressive driver came veering up behind her , seemingly
almost on her bumper. The driver slung to the left lane and drove up next to
Lola and asked to be let in by using heavy hand gestures. Lola hesitated as her
exit was within feet of her. The driver honked their horn causing Lola to slow
and allow the driver ahead of her. The driver slung ahead of her and then
exited, causing Lola to miss her exit.

 A few minutes late to work, she clocked in and got straight to business at
hand. With pilled up deadlines and clients at bay, there was no time to waste.
Today she would have to stay late after work to catch up.

 As lunch time neared, Lola gathered her keys to head over to one of her
favorite sandwich shops. "Lola are you going to Charlie’s Sandwich Shop? Can you
get me a sandwich?" said one of her co-workers. "Oh yeah me too, but make sure
to get me rye bread with extra mustard"  "Here Lola, here’s a 20.00 to pay for
my half, make sure to tell the cashier to give you back two $5.00 bills".

 Uncomfortable and irritated, Lola said, "Um, maybe next time..I'm kind of in
a hurry". "It won't take long! Come on I'm starving "said a coworker.  Another
coworker made a disapproving grunt, folded her arms and looked away as if Lola
had really displeased her. "Ok, ok " said Lola and she grabbed the money and
headed to her car. 

Once in Charlies Sandwich Shop, she began to order all the sandwiches. Her
phone buzzed and as she looked down at it the text read across the screen, "Oh I
forgot to tell you, I want a diet coke not a regular coke" . 

The line was so long that by the time she ordered,  her lunch time allowance
was almost up. She ate her sandwich as she drove to work; wiping her sandwich
stains off of her shirt and brushing of the crumbs.

 10 hours later, Lola was off of work and fighting traffic to get home. All
she wanted to do was go home and relax by taking a nice long shower. 

Once home, Lola’s roommate Chelsea was in her towel and heading over to the
shower. "Lola, I’m going to take a long shower. I need something to wake me up-I
slept all day. There  might not be any hot water left when I’m done thought"

"Um, yeah ok" said Lola. She went to her room, sat on her bed and began to
cry. She cried until she drifted off into a restless sleep.


Have you ever experienced something similar to this? Have you ever felt
overwhelmed and under appreciated? How could Lola have avoided the stress she
felt throughout the day that eventually led to her crash down?

 Lola experiences what many of us experience on a day to day basis which is an
inability to take care of ourselves by simply saying "No". Although, I’m sure
those of us that have experienced this can understand that saying no sometimes
isn’t that simple. Saying no, can stir up feelings from a childhood trauma,
being disliked, feelings of rejection or just not wanting to deal with any
confrontations as well as many other reasons.  Why do you think it was difficult
for Lola to say no?

 The meaning of no, according to Dictionary, is a complete term, meaning not at all; to no extent. 
No does not warrant an explanation. However many of us do not have the ability
to say no.  

The ability to say no starts beings with a recognition of validation of
needs for self care.

 The next step is by developing a stronger sense of self.

 Saying no take lots of practice until you feel comfortable. Start practicing by
saying no to strangers. For instance, when in a restaurant politely decline the
waiter when asked for a side or item you do not need.  

Additionally, learning to say no includes understanding that your world will
not crumble or end, although at first you may feel some discomfort , you will
realize that it’s ok to take care of yourself by saying no. You will teach
people how to treat you when no means no. You will also recognize that people
will start to respect your time, space and energy. 

  Lola wanted to avoid "uncomfortable situations" and instead created more
frustration in her life. You can avoid situations like Lola’s by learning to say
no.

 For more information on "How to say no" comment below or message me
privately.


　


　


Small Changes for a more Balanced Life…Dr Tanya Gilbert